Monday, May 2, 2011


The night of my wedding, my husband and I were totally exhausted. Our wedding had been really lively and had gone till some crazy hour of the morning.

So we postponed intimacy. I was nervous. He could see that. He tried to calm me down by suggesting we take a bath together. We did. I liked being in the warm water with him. It made me feel safer. But I was still scared. He was the one who suggested that, due to the hour and our exhaustion, we should just go to bed. I knew that was okay because my kallah teacher had said not everyone always consummates the first night.

So we did. I fell asleep, curled up in his arms. I felt safe, protected. I felt loved.

It was the only perfectly happy day of our marriage.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

SJG - Hold on. It get's better. My wife and I literally had the SAME exact experience as you. Right down to the bath on the wedding night. Gyno broke her hymen, we couldn't really do it, always asking "how far" after every time we did it, me suggesting sex therapists...

Eventually, after a few months of failed attempts, I guess I ejaculated far enough into her to get pregnant. It was kind weird having a pregnant wife, knowing you can't actually have sex with her.

Just to tell you how bad it was, when she was going into labor, the nurses had to stick their fingers into her to check how far she was dilated. She locked out her legs from that too. She couldn't get an internal sonogram. The only way it happened was that a nurse sneak attacked her when she wasn't expecting it, ninja style.

9 Months later, we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy. And after those 6 niddah weeks? Guess what? We still couldn't really have sex, even though she was significantly bigger down there. It took about 6 months, but now we are more 'familiar' with her anatomy, and we both now can actually enjoy sex (sometimes- it's never always perfect). We're slowly learning more and more, and trying to not always do missionary (tip: a folded pillow under you always helps), but it's a slow learning process.

It was a long and very painful road, but I promise you. It gets better. Just hold on, practice, and DON'T get frustrated. It took almost 2 years for us to learn to have sex, and we're still learning.