Tuesday, May 17, 2011


It probably doesn't make sense to most people why my husband would stay with me given this situation. I mean, isn't sex the only thing men think about? That's what our society wants us to think anyway. So how is my husband dealing with this?

Well, for one thing he's super understanding. And he's cute when he sneezes because there is cat fuzz all over the couch. But better than that he's in love with me. The kind of buy-flowers-for-no-reason, celebrate my being in his life, cover me in kisses deep sort of we'll-get-through-anything love. And I'm grateful of course but more than that this is making me fall more in love with him. Through the haze of guilt that's in my head because of course I feel bad for him that he doesn't get to have sex I realize how much he loves me that he is so careful not to blame me or hurt me (I mean aside from times when we both get into fights and lose our cool).

And I love him. I love when we wake up in the morning and his hair is all tousled and he blinks his eyes and adjusts to daylight. He looks so sleepy and adorable. I love how we debate politics until we both fall asleep from exhaustion. I love his willingness to put up with my owning a cat. I love our banter when we go to brush our teeth. I love how he does not judge me for my ADD. I even love when he gets upset and corrects me when I've been ignoring his feelings and have been being selfish. I love when he tells me about his day at work. I love the weirdness that is our normelcy in the middle of all this, like when we cuddle up to watch a comedy together and laugh. I love our ridiculousness when we are grocery shopping and start defending different foods in a  battle of cottage cheese against the tacos.

I love how he knows exactly when I need my dose of Ke$ha so he blasts his iPod and tells me to just let the crazy out and work off the steam on our elliptical machine. I love him taking a towel that's warm and dry and wrapping me in it when I come out of the shower.

I love that he'll sit through the "Water for Elephants" movie even though he has no interest in Twilight stars, elephants or Reese Witherspoon. I love that we'll go get fro-yo at 10 at night just because it makes me happy.

My husband's got this whole sugary side you guys don't know about it. I'm the only one who gets to see it and it's one of the things making sure we get through this while staying sane.

So darling, to take Enrique's line:

Tonight I'm loving you.


SternGrad said...

This is one of the most beautiful, wonderful, and inspiring posts that I have read in a long time.

Stuck in Shidduchim said...

Wow! I knew u guys had to have a special relationship to be able to go through this, but I didn't know HOW special.
And by the way, you justed showed me that having a nice and loving husband isn't a fantasy!!
With such a strong connection, I'm sure you'll get through this nisayon and raise an amazing family soon...

Avi said...

> I mean, isn't sex the only thing men think about?

Absolutely not! Do you really think this?

Sex might mean a lot to many guys, but any guy who is mature enough to get married does not only think about sex when it comes to his relationship with his wife.

Sad Jewish Girl said...

SternGrad- Thank you!

SIS- Baruch Hashem, yeah, my husband is a jewel.

Avi- So I know that it's not like that really but whenever I wait in line anywhere there's like all these magazines screaming SEX SEX SEX and it's just so strong in our culture that I feel like at least a lot of the time men are thinking about it, you know?

Single on the Scene said...

I'm so happy to read this. Most girls get married and it's this whole mystery. Of course after engagement everyone seems 'so happy' but thanks for bringing both sides of reality that could and do happen to married people. This post made me smile and think that true married bliss does happen in Jewish lives.
This is what makes you a strong couple.

Ariella said...

I relate. I so relate. When you are in love, really, really in love- Stuff like this seriously makes sense.Every song about love that you thought was cheesy clicks into place. I am so like this with my husband.

Anonymous said...

Simply beautiful. What a blessing. Praise be to G-d.

Anonymous said...

The song by Enrique is actually: "Tonight I'm FUCKING you". Its edited for radio. Ironic.