It probably doesn't make sense to most people why my husband would stay with me given this situation. I mean, isn't sex the only thing men think about? That's what our society wants us to think anyway. So how is my husband dealing with this?
Well, for one thing he's super understanding. And he's cute when he sneezes because there is cat fuzz all over the couch. But better than that he's in love with me. The kind of buy-flowers-for-no-reason, celebrate my being in his life, cover me in kisses deep sort of we'll-get-through-anything love. And I'm grateful of course but more than that this is making me fall more in love with him. Through the haze of guilt that's in my head because of course I feel bad for him that he doesn't get to have sex I realize how much he loves me that he is so careful not to blame me or hurt me (I mean aside from times when we both get into fights and lose our cool).
And I love him. I love when we wake up in the morning and his hair is all tousled and he blinks his eyes and adjusts to daylight. He looks so sleepy and adorable. I love how we debate politics until we both fall asleep from exhaustion. I love his willingness to put up with my owning a cat. I love our banter when we go to brush our teeth. I love how he does not judge me for my ADD. I even love when he gets upset and corrects me when I've been ignoring his feelings and have been being selfish. I love when he tells me about his day at work. I love the weirdness that is our normelcy in the middle of all this, like when we cuddle up to watch a comedy together and laugh. I love our ridiculousness when we are grocery shopping and start defending different foods in a battle of cottage cheese against the tacos.
I love how he knows exactly when I need my dose of Ke$ha so he blasts his iPod and tells me to just let the crazy out and work off the steam on our elliptical machine. I love him taking a towel that's warm and dry and wrapping me in it when I come out of the shower.
I love that he'll sit through the "Water for Elephants" movie even though he has no interest in Twilight stars, elephants or Reese Witherspoon. I love that we'll go get fro-yo at 10 at night just because it makes me happy.
My husband's got this whole sugary side you guys don't know about it. I'm the only one who gets to see it and it's one of the things making sure we get through this while staying sane.
So darling, to take Enrique's line:
Tonight I'm loving you.