A lot of you must be wondering what the purpose of this blog is. Allow me to explain.
The purpose of this blog is not to scare you, freak you out, make you worried that this will happen to you or that your marriage is doomed. It is not to say that you should get scared about marriage. It is to say that you should get educated. I want people to learn from my experience so that this won't happen to you. Here are some easy things you can do to make sure that happens.
1) Go to a gynecologist and have her show you your anatomy in a mirror, explaining what each part is so that you know exactly where the hymen is and where the little entrance where you can be penetrated is. In addition, explore on your own (all you need is a flashlight and a mirror).
2) Use tampons. Forget what people say where they are worried that you are going to break your hymen. It's not going to happen. Even if it did, you would still be considered a betulah on your Kesuba. The way that it works is that you take the smallest size tampon (Lites or Juniors) and lie down on your bed, spread your legs, bend your knees, pull back the folds of your labia and then glide the tampon inside of you. You can lubricate the tampon with olive oil or KY Jelly (I personally think olive oil works better). Work your way up to larger tampons. In this way you stretch the opening a bit and get comfortable with the idea of having something enter you there.
3) If you want to and are comfortable, practice putting your finger inside as well. You will do this anyway when you have to make bedikot, so you might as well get used to doing it now.
These extremely simple exercises can make you a lot more familiar with your own anatomy and give you the confidence to not worry about penetration.
Also: I have it on the best authority (that of my sex therapist) that penetration being painful is a myth. There is a little bit of pressure, but you are not ripped apart, you are not in incredible pain; you are going to be perfectly fine. All those stories which were told to me were either myths or came about because the woman was not sufficiently lubricated before her husband penetrated her.
So please just make sure that you're educated, you know your anatomy and you feel competent and confident and in control before your chuppah.
Now, if, despite all these preparations, you still find yourself presenting with symptoms of vaginismus, that's the other purpose of this blog- to let you know that you're not alone, there are people out there who are in your position and that it's okay and that you're going to be okay, just like one day I will be okay.