Monday, June 6, 2011


So this has been a great week full of learning, information and other awesome stuff.

Talli Rosenbaum recommended some therapists to me, ranging from sex therapists to physical therapists. So I, not knowing the difference, called up the sex therapist, Shoshana Bulow. She listened to me talk and said that I was all confident and open and very different from most of the people who call up and talk about this issue and are embarrassed and sad and who even may have histories of rape or sexual abuse. Hence she felt that talk therapy, which is what she does, is not what I need. Conceptually, I'm already in a good place. It's the physical stuff I need to work on.

I hadn't even known that sex therapists aren't licensed to work with women in my situation who need the physical aspect or dilators. It disturbed me that the first woman I had gone to see had led me to believe that she was licensed to follow up with dilators when now here was Shoshana saying that sex therapists are not trained in that. You can learn more about the difference between sex therapy and female sexual dysfunction here.

Shoshana recommended that I check out The Medical Center for Female Sexuality located in White Plains and Manhattan. This place is awesome. It's headed by a frum woman, Bat Sheva Marcus. You can read Dr. Marcus' bio right here. The people who work there are trained in all sorts of sexual dysfunction ranging from vaginismus to vulvar vestibulitis to erecticle dysfunction and so on. The best part about them is that they work with you so that you can pay them. They will let you create an interest-free payment plan so that you can pay them the money over a longer period of time (even maybe a year) because they want to work with you and help you and not bankrupt you. Apparently this center is one of the only centers in the country that does this work. People fly in from all over (including Egypt!) so they can just start the treatment plans they need there and then go back to doctors in their home country with the information they need to continue the plan back home.

This place is relatively new; it was only founded only eleven years ago according to the lady that I spoke to on the phone. You need to put $300 down in order to start - they do take insurance. So you give $150 when you book an appointment and another $150 when you come into the office. The way it works is that the first appointment takes an hour and a half. The first part of the appointment is you sitting down with a therapist and doing a psycho-sexual workup where you discuss your whole sexual history, your fears, worries, concerns etc. Then they take your bloodwork and a nurse practitioner does an exam on you (probably to see the symptoms, like in my case, how and when I tense up). After all that, they come up with a personalized treatment plan for you.

I really liked the section on the website talking about vaginismus, which is the condition I have. I especially liked that they had a section talking about painful sex or intimacy for men to read so that he can understand his wife/ girlfriend better. The site also has testimonials and other great stuff and vlogs and video presentations from Dr. Marcus talking about various issues.

So I have an appointment with the center for after Shavuos and with any luck it'll be good.


Abandoning Eden said...

make sure you read independent reviews of the place that are not posted on their own website.

Boxed Whine said...

What Eden said. But I dearly hope that this is awesome.

scarpetta said...

Sounds promising, but agreeing with Eden. Also my friend wrote to you about Loyola in Chicago. Maybe you should write her and ask her if she can look into this place for you if she has connections with other people who might know it.

I was just thinking... your issue is particularly debilitating, especially since you are married, but we all hae issues. I think it's how we tackle them that matters. Sort of cliche, but the journey. Anyways, good luck.

Sad Jewish Girl said...

Bat Sheva Marcus is widely respected through JOFA and onward; I'm not worried about the Center being a fraud or anything like that.

Scarpetta, I haven't got an email about Loyola in Chicago.

People, I get being cautious, but let's not rain on my parade here- I have a possible solution, it's exciting, it's not necessarily what you would do but hey, that's fine- this is my life after all.

Anonymous said...

good luck! happy shavuos!

Commenter Abbi said...

I taught Marcus' son in day school way about 10 years ago and met her numerous times. She's a great woman.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I and my wife have been to see talli. I could prove it by namuing the mall we went to see her in, but I think/hope you will believe me.

She told my wife she had vaginismus. She began a course of treatment. She was useless. A year and a half later, my wife has mindblowing orgasms that leave her exhausted and basically passed out!
(no, I cant prove she isnt faking it - but I dont think she is, and the giggling that accompanies it sure doenst seem fake :-)

It WILL be ok. begin slowly. We spent 5 months just doing Hachnosas Hoatoroh. We moved on from there.

Its ok

You are not the only one

You will enjoy it in time (my wife didnt believe that either, but as i said above etc.)

Anonymous said...

have you been in touch with Bonei Olam?

Anonymous said...

My wife used Gail Bessler wife of Dr A.J. Twerski. She is located in Monsey and Teaneck. If you change your mind check her out. She is very good

Virgin Wife said...

I'm glad I randomly stumbled your blog. I've been married almost 11 months and we have yet to consummate our marriage. It's not a religious thing for us however. I'm sorry you're going through your struggles, but thanks for sharing on your blog.

Jordan Hirsch said...

I know both therapists you spoke to. They are very honest and competent. Good luck!

Yocheved said...

Grrrr! My internet filter won't let me open the site! Do you know if they accept Medicare at all?