Tuesday, June 21, 2011


So we are getting closer to our inevitable goal...which is the happy consummation of our marriage.

In short, on the LaMotte scale (no clue how to spell that) they use to evaluate people, their pain and how severe their vaginismus is, I am way at the bottom end of the scale with just a 1 or a 2. So I do have vaginismus and I do tense up, but it's nothing like the more common forms of the issue which have people jumping off the tables or flinching away from the slightest touch, involuntary clamping not only of the muscles but of the legs etc; I have relatively easy vaginismus.

Last session we were able to insert the size Large dilator into me and I'm supposed to practice with that but also the penis dildo/ dong which is meant to be a bit bigger than my husband. That's on purpose because if I can fit the dildo in, I can definitely fit my husband.
Anyway, it's very likely I'm going to be totally cured in just three sessions. Next time being my graduation session where they discuss first-time sex positions with us and so on. Ridiculous, right? A year and a half of woe and misery all cured in just three hours (well, and all the practice time I spend on the dilators at home).

(By the way, this isn't the norm, so if you're in therapy and it takes a lot longer, don't worry- you can still get there!)

It doesn't hurt that we had the bracha of a really big rabbi who is known to accomplish amazing things just before we started this therapy as well.

But wow. It's crazy how close we are.


Tayba said...

Sooo happy for you! I know how you feel because I went through the same thing, and only got sorted a few weeks ago. All the best xx

Anonymous said...

We went through the same thing for 6 months (though we knew all along that we hadn't had sex and that vaginismus was the likely cause, but 9 years ago it was harder to find information on physical/sex therapists who had a clue what they were doing.)

But my advice is that 1) after you get there you may still need couples therapy because there is a a lot of built up resentment and negative feelings associated with sex and your body getting in the way of fully enjoying it. It takes a while to work through those things to get to where having sex no longer conjures up the feelings you associated with it for so long. 2) If you are not trying to get pregnant go on the 3 month pill so you have more time to work on sex and intimacy. 3) Get in touch with a good yoetzet nidda so that you are not unecessarily machmir when about stains and such. 4) don't feel guilty about pleasuring your husband. Particularly under the circumstances their are very legitimate halachic opinions that permit this at least on occasion, and certainly if there is a medical issue preventing penetration. Holding on to feelings of guilt is really just going to get in the way of moving forward.

Good luck.

(Last, if feel comfortable, write a letter to your incompetent kallah teacher and tell her that by not providing information on the mechanics of sex and some potential problems you might encounter she is doing a disservice to her students. Perhaps doing so, like writing so forthrightly about it in your blog, will help others.)

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Hashem is good!
--from your Christian friend from a few posts ago.

Lisa said...

I love how optimistic and upbeat you are! Yeah, go for it.

This blog will be valuable for anybody who experiences difficulties with sex in the beginning.

Maypaki said...

I finally realized that God is indeed a male. The reasons are:

1.) If God is a female, she would never inflict women with painful intercourse. She would merely inflict them with infertility. Her empathy towards women's feelings will always prevail.

2.) It is known in history that men treat women as property. Therefore, if God inflicts a woman with primary vaginismus, thick hymen or dry vagina, then her vagina is now the property of God. She's meant to control the population.
God uses her as an instrument to reveal who the real rapists are, thereby upholding women's most divine right -the right NOT to be raped.

This proves that God is a male, because for him, there are things more important than empathy towards females.

This explains why painful intercourse is MORE COMMON among females than males.
Because God is a MALE and treats some women as his property to control the population.

FYI: The clitoris is not used for intercourse and pro-creation. It is used for outer-course and non-penetrative masturbation.

It maybe a different type of test.
He want's to test her obedience to her DESTINY: nunnery or celibacy.

I am now an enlightened man. Vaginismus strengthened my belief in God.

Anonymous said...

Been reading for a few weeks. Some comments and questions:

1) I am sorry you've been going through this.
2) I am glad matters are improving.
3) I am so envious of your marriage.
4) You'd be a great kallah teacher.
5) How were you doing your bedikas when you didn't have a sense of where your opening was and were not inserting your finger?
6) Have you continued to use tampons, and if so, for sanitary purposes do you find you like them better?
7) You described in detail what happens when you become aroused with your husband. Does that include a physical urge to have him inside you?

Hope you'll post again soon.