Wednesday, June 1, 2011


So we attempted intercourse and we failed.

First we tried the knee-chest position. Then I tried resting my legs on his shoulders. Then I tried the woman-on-top position where I can lower myself down on him.

I'm not sure why I thought this would work and I would be able to say: Yippee! Did it! It didn't work. I was in excruciating pain as always, my husband described the sensation on his end as though I had pretty much clamped up down below and in fact my entire body started to shake in pain and fear. You heard that right. Literally my entire body in uncontrollable shaking and spasms.

This is aside from the fact that it's one thing to get paper cuts on your thumb or finger but when you get the equivalent of paper cuts down below, it hurts. And that happened. I'm not sure how but probably something to do with all that pushing. So now I have minute pinpricks of blood that show up on Kleenex.

I'm not sure what my next step is. Probably dilators, although I'm not sure if I'll just buy them on my own and try to work with them or do them under a doctor's supervision.

I read Talli Rosenbaum's "When Sex is Scary" entry today and felt a little better. Of course, that didn't prevent me from crying hopelessly in my bed with my husband's arms wrapped around me wailing that he will leave me, that he won't love me anymore, that I will never have children and that this is hopeless. And that I don't know if I can love anyone anymore because this is so draining.

On the positive side of things, one person wrote a comment I didn't publish informing me that if I have vaginismus that is Hashem's (well, or his version of Hashem's) way of saying that I should be a nun or celibate all my life. That made me smile a bit because it was so absurd. Weakly. But still, watery smiles are better than nothing.


Anonymous said...

You haven't mentioned anything about using KY Jelly. If you haven't tried use A Lot and it should help.

Sad Jewish Girl said...

We always use KY Jelly and other lubricants and have done this from the beginning. It doesn't make a difference. The body knows what it doesn't want and right now mine doesn't want to be penetrated.

Anonymous said...

On our honeymoon I also was unable to penetrate my new wife's hymen. The friendly white haired, compassionate GYN "broke her cherry". That was 29 years ago and 8 grandchildren later To quote a "Gadol Hador" Sir Paul Mccartney
"There never could be a better moment than THIS ONE

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing such a wonderful blog. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I don't any experience with vaginismus and won't pretend I can give you advice, but I didn't really enjoy penetration too much for a long time. Even now, if I'm not turned on enough or if my vagina just decides it's a bad day, it really hurts and I basically curl up and start crying.

I also have a lot of problems with clitoral stimulation -- I only let my partner touch my clit for any prolonged period last week. I know what you mean about "ack, what am I doing?" and feeling like it's too much stimulation. Using vibrators has helped me with that some, if you're open to that. (the hitachi magic wand is pretty awesome, if kind of a power tool)

That said, my partner and I have a wonderful and satisfying sex life, but it's taken some work. We probably have intercourse once every 2-3 weeks, and other kinds of sex much more often than that.

I've had some success with metal/glass dildos... the texture is a lot less challenging than fingers/penises/plastic, it lubricates really easily, and honestly I find it less stressful.

I hope you and your husband work through this, and get to a place you're happy with