Monday, January 30, 2012

Inside

Sometimes, usually deep in the night, when my feelings flow more freely, I find myself overwhelmed by my feelings for my husband.

I love my husband. Love him. He has rescued me, stood by me, been there for me, helped me through thick and thin. He is so patient and kind and his every wish is for my happiness. I feel so humbled by him and so loved. I don't feel worthy of him. He cares so much about me and I worry that I'll never be able to equal that for him. He is an honorable and respectable man and I admire him and I love him.

But when the day comes, these feelings get hidden- or evaporate- or it's like I block them off from myself. In the daytime, I can get irritated with him or act short with him or be not as kind as I want to him. But at night, that's when I feel close to him- usually while he's sleeping and I'm sitting here typing in the living room.

I want to capture these feelings and have them all the time, not just some of the time.

9 comments:

Abandoning Eden said...

having been married for a few years now- yeah that's totally normal. :) You have times where you feel full of love for your spouse and times when he irritates the stuffing out of you. Trying to feel that full of love feeling 24/7 is pretty unrealistic - you are a human after all, I presume? :)

Did you see the first postsecret posted this week: http://www.postsecret.com/

Anonymous said...

I notice that every time you talk about your husband, it's all about the things he does for you. You never talk about what you do for him.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful. I hope to marry a similar man! :) --YCF

still waiting said...

i too thought of you when i saw the postsecret. you are truly not alone.

Anonymous said...

To the first anonymous poster:

This blog is about a specific problem she's having, not a general marriage blog. So it only makes sense that mentions of her husband will revolve around that problem and how he relates to her.

Also, have you read the entire blog? She has made many references to wanting to resolve this problem in large part to please her husband and has described many instances of going much further than felt comfortable for her. --YCF

Sad Jewish Girl said...

I did see the Postsecret. I even wrote to Frank at frank (at) postsecret.com with a response to it but he either didn't get it or chose not to post it up...

Anonymous said...

It's my hunch that, once the first 18 months of 'new relationship energy' wears off, you get about a 30-60 days cumulative of that feeling each year, given out in little chunks lasting a couple minutes to a couple hours.

-Meira

Maypaki said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ח"י said...

I think everyone goes through periods of loving their spouse every minute, and periods of being irritated until they get a few minutes of peace and quiet to think.

Maybe I'm assuming; maybe it's just me - and you, I guess - who sometimes feels too irritated to care. The reason that you don't feel the love so much: Tired, stressed, busy, overwhelmed, too much on your plate, life is too complicated - the list goes on and on. Or: Inadequacy (I have eczema and when it acts up, I can't do dishes, wash vegetables, wash the table down, etc. Anything not necessary - waits for him), laziness and hating yourself for it, guilt, and all those kinds of things.