Melancholy

Pesach was beautiful. We had some friends and family over at our seder. It was wonderful.

I sit here now and listen as the sound of piano music wafts up the stairs. My husband is playing. It's very beautiful and melancholy.

Every time I deny my husband sexual relations his eyes look at me and they look so sad and hurt. If I had feelings left that I could feel, I would probably be pained. But for some reasons, they've drifted so far away from me. I've gone into protective mode and this is also a selfish mode.

I need to figure out a way to get who I really am back.