It seems the Orthodox Union and the Puah Institute are going to be addressing fertility and intimacy issues (link). I am pleased to see that they will be discussing dyspareunia (painful intercourse). Anyone who is Jewish and who either has these issues or wants to learn more about them should attend. It is taking place Sunday, April 29th.
I'm not sure if they've done this conference in the past or if this is the first time. Does anyone know?
You can see the flyer and information and pre-register/ sign up here.
Showing posts with label not-painful sex?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not-painful sex?. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Funny or Die
So I read The Camera My Mother Gave Me by Susanna Kaysen. On the one hand, it was a really good and refreshing read in that it's cool to see someone talk about this subject. And her descriptions were right on- describing her vagina as broken or feeling like someone had taken a cheese grater to her. I was a bit depressed by the end of the book, though, because at the end sex and a happy vagina were still not happening for her. So it was a bit of a downer, although realistic, I guess.
The thing that I noticed is that what enables her to write the book is her gutsy, humorous attitude towards everything. She just confronts everything head-on and she makes her misery really funny. While I think that is a great attitude for those who can do it, I think there are also those of us (like me) who don't really have the ability to use humor as a weapon. She still felt like a woman even though a part of her was not working, while I am having issues figuring out my womanhood, sexuality and so on.
So I feel like I'm more of a dispirited voice (at least in this area) than she is. Less ballsy, less funny-or-die. But I think it's good in that different people cope in different ways. I cope by thinking out loud on this blog. She copes through making the horrible laughable. I've been trying to take some pointers from her and incorporate a bit more humor into my life. It helps a little.
Anyway, when it comes to sex therapy- my insurance doesn't cover it because it's a not-in-network provider. But the bigger issue is figuring out a time when my schedule and my husband's schedule overlap so we could actually go see the person. This is turning into a challenge.
Personally, I've gotten to a point where I feel like I feel like I'm okay with a platonic or celibate marriage (celibate as in non-penetrative, not non-making out). But I know my husband's not. So I guess we have to figure out where to go from here. My issue is that I've decided I dislike everything about sex- the penetration, the pain, the stickiness of the semen, touch that tickles me- everything. Happily, sex is off the table anyway right now because my husband and I are supposed to be reestablishing intimacy (and not sex). I think this is helpful so far. I guess we'll see where we go from here.
The thing that I noticed is that what enables her to write the book is her gutsy, humorous attitude towards everything. She just confronts everything head-on and she makes her misery really funny. While I think that is a great attitude for those who can do it, I think there are also those of us (like me) who don't really have the ability to use humor as a weapon. She still felt like a woman even though a part of her was not working, while I am having issues figuring out my womanhood, sexuality and so on.
So I feel like I'm more of a dispirited voice (at least in this area) than she is. Less ballsy, less funny-or-die. But I think it's good in that different people cope in different ways. I cope by thinking out loud on this blog. She copes through making the horrible laughable. I've been trying to take some pointers from her and incorporate a bit more humor into my life. It helps a little.
Anyway, when it comes to sex therapy- my insurance doesn't cover it because it's a not-in-network provider. But the bigger issue is figuring out a time when my schedule and my husband's schedule overlap so we could actually go see the person. This is turning into a challenge.
Personally, I've gotten to a point where I feel like I feel like I'm okay with a platonic or celibate marriage (celibate as in non-penetrative, not non-making out). But I know my husband's not. So I guess we have to figure out where to go from here. My issue is that I've decided I dislike everything about sex- the penetration, the pain, the stickiness of the semen, touch that tickles me- everything. Happily, sex is off the table anyway right now because my husband and I are supposed to be reestablishing intimacy (and not sex). I think this is helpful so far. I guess we'll see where we go from here.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Pelvic Floor Therapy
Today was my first session at the pelvic floor therapy. It went really well. I feel like I have my hope back.
The nice lady (her name was Katie) asked me about all my symptoms and then explained a bit about the pelvis and how pelvic floor therapy works. Basically the pelvis has a LOT of muscles and they are made out of skeletal tissue, which means that just as you get kinks and knots in your shoulders, you can get kinks and knots in the muscles by the pelvis. But there's more to it in that. If anything is out of alignment, it can push something else out of alignment and cause dysfunction or pain. Basically all the organs in the pelvic region are meant to slide past each other as you move or breathe and if they don't, there can be pain.
She did an external exam and then an internal exam of me. For the external exam, she had me stand, sit and lie down on the bed. She examined my thigh muscles, pressing carefully along my legs. It was fascinating because she found these trigger points of pain in my thighs that made me cry out. She explained that this comes about in most women who have sexual pain, because part of what happens when we tighten is we clamp the thigh muscles together. Anyway, she worked on smoothing, massaging and unknotting those trigger points of pain in the thighs.
Once she had finished with that, she got to my internal exam. She explained that there are three layers of muscle in the vagina. We found that my pain was largely concentrated in the muscles in the middle of the figure 8. The figure 8 is made by imagining it twining around the urethra/vagina as one opening and your anus as the other. You can trace a figure 8 around these. The muscles in the middle of the figure 8 (I think the perineal ones? by the perineum?) are the culprit in my case. They are what are causing me so much pain.
The amazingly cool part was that just by moving my muscles with her hand (manually manipulating them) she was able to make that pain much much less so that I almost couldn't feel it. Basically she was contorting the pelvic muscles manually to slacken them and once they were slackened the muscles were no longer screaming pain pain pain in my brain but were tricked into feeling fine. Taking deep breaths and letting out my tension also relaxed me further.
The nice lady (her name was Katie) asked me about all my symptoms and then explained a bit about the pelvis and how pelvic floor therapy works. Basically the pelvis has a LOT of muscles and they are made out of skeletal tissue, which means that just as you get kinks and knots in your shoulders, you can get kinks and knots in the muscles by the pelvis. But there's more to it in that. If anything is out of alignment, it can push something else out of alignment and cause dysfunction or pain. Basically all the organs in the pelvic region are meant to slide past each other as you move or breathe and if they don't, there can be pain.
She did an external exam and then an internal exam of me. For the external exam, she had me stand, sit and lie down on the bed. She examined my thigh muscles, pressing carefully along my legs. It was fascinating because she found these trigger points of pain in my thighs that made me cry out. She explained that this comes about in most women who have sexual pain, because part of what happens when we tighten is we clamp the thigh muscles together. Anyway, she worked on smoothing, massaging and unknotting those trigger points of pain in the thighs.
Once she had finished with that, she got to my internal exam. She explained that there are three layers of muscle in the vagina. We found that my pain was largely concentrated in the muscles in the middle of the figure 8. The figure 8 is made by imagining it twining around the urethra/vagina as one opening and your anus as the other. You can trace a figure 8 around these. The muscles in the middle of the figure 8 (I think the perineal ones? by the perineum?) are the culprit in my case. They are what are causing me so much pain.
The amazingly cool part was that just by moving my muscles with her hand (manually manipulating them) she was able to make that pain much much less so that I almost couldn't feel it. Basically she was contorting the pelvic muscles manually to slacken them and once they were slackened the muscles were no longer screaming pain pain pain in my brain but were tricked into feeling fine. Taking deep breaths and letting out my tension also relaxed me further.
She gave me some stuff to work on (to help relax me and also to work on the thigh muscles that were so tight). I'm supposed to practice diaphragmatic breathing, the butterfly position (knees bent and feet together, like in gym class in school) and also leaning on one leg while having the other one bent and then vice versa.
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