Sunday, November 17, 2013

Not Perfect

I may have spoken too soon.

Now that my husband and I get to have normal intimacy (yeah!), I've been discovering a couple of things:

The first dilator insertion, no matter the size, always hurts.

But more than this, I've been realizing that the friction of his going back and forth seems to be somewhat irritating on the inside. I'm somewhat raw/ still not stretched enough.

Now, this is not anything like the pain I used to experience. But it's not 100% pleasurable, either. I'd say that my pain has gotten 85-90% better, but it is not perfect.

However, I am not sure whether this is something that will get better with time, as we continue to be intimate.

Or alternatively, whether this is something I caused myself because I delayed doing the dilators (and the doctor had specifically told me to do them every day as soon as possible).

Or whether this is something I caused myself because I didn't do dilators during my Niddah period, so maybe now I've backslid and I have to work harder at loosening up again.

I guess I'll find out when I visit the doctor...
Even this reality is a lot better than where we were before. I can deal with 85% better. I'm grateful for 85% better.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is completely normal. Get some lube, but the good kind, not just KY. (KY is good in a pinch, but there is better stuff on the market). There's no reason to think that "au natural" is the only "real" way to have sex. My husband and I have been married for years and we generally prefer with lube than without. Don't wait for the dr. Just go to the store and get some your self. Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Definitely use lubricant. I've been married 10 years and still use lubricant every single time. In the first year or so, it often hurt a little, finding the right position was a big thing. Also, the longer he's in there the more the friction will bother you, especially if you're not well lubricated. It won't hurt much if he ejaculates and goes out after 10 minutes but if it takes 45 minutes and it hurts you that's definitely normal!

Anonymous said...

coconut oil is the best option i've found for this - and its totally normal for many women to feel that. that doesn't mean its normal in your case, but it probably is.

Sad Jewish Girl said...

I always use lubricant. I'm feeling raw/ irritated even with it...

Anonymous said...

Have you tried you being on top instead of your husband? That way you have more control of the speed and depth and angle etc. Also, from what you describe of your husband I'm sure he has put lots of effort into what turns you on, but make sure that you know what turns him on before and during (like how you move etc) because then he'll ejaculate faster and put friction on you for less time.

Same Boat ! :) said...

Hi, I am going thru the exact situation as you. I am also a Jewish girl recovering from Vaginismus. I waited til my wedding night 9 months ago to lose my virginity, realized I could not without excruciating pain, and suffered for about 7 months of depression and pain and not able to consummate my marriage. I finally started having sex 2.5 months ago. At first, I could only have sex after 25 mintues of practicing with every size dilator with tons of lube.

After 2 months, I was able to have sex without using dilators first. But, I needed to use the KY warming liquid. However, my husband didnt really like it, because it made me feel really "loose" down there. So yes, it will help ease the discomfort.

Now, I am also at 85-90% pain free. I still feel a lot of discomfort from the friction, esp if we do it in any position except missionary. But, I am so grateful to just be able to have sex without screaming from pain and feel "normal". Don't worry, you've only just started, just keep practicing and itll slowly go away without realizing it.

Anonymous said...

Different lubes work differently. KY used to irritate me like crazy. I can only use silicone-based lube (check out drugstore.com). All water-based ones just did not work for me.

Anonymous said...

It will be good that the doctor will be able to take a look. Please let us know what he says.

Anonymous said...

I know this is a little late, but you can try going to a store like Babeland (google them, they have multiple locations in NYC) where you can test the different kinds of lube with your hands. There are lots of different lubes out there!